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[guerin]

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On Christmas Day

[doubled_speed]

[An unmarked package is left at his door. A portable vacuum and a set of sheets for his bed. In Tommy’s shade of green. No note. But there is a silver bow on top.]

[Text]

[notmybattle]

[He went for a walk after his talk with Tommy, more to cool off than anything else.]

When you get a chance, can we meet up and talk.

[guerin]

I'm in my dome.

[notmybattle]

[Alex takes a deep breath and lets it out, not bothering to text Michael back. He does, however, head straight to his dome. Honestly? He's not even sure what he's even going to say to the other. He does, however, know that he's going to ignore Tommy's advice. If he didn't then he'd want to punch the kid more than he already did.

So, once he reaches the dome he gives the door a knock shoving his hands in his pockets.]

[guerin]

[ Michael had been drinking since about that first text message, at least at a quicker rate than he had before it. He opened the door with just a t-shirt and jeans on, shoes and hat discarded earlier. He has a bottle of whiskey in his hand and he lifts it to his mouth as he opens the door wide enough for Alex to come through. ]

[notmybattle]

[The drinking is something that he should've expected, even if it's the last thing that either of them needed. He doesn't, however, comment on it. Merely slips past Michael and into the dome, before turning towards the other.]

Hey.

[guerin]

What do you want, Alex?

[ It's brash in the typical Michael way. With Alex it's more a shield than it is with anyone else. ]

[notmybattle]

To talk, Michael.

[The brashness is something that he knows. It's not something he wants to let bother him. Not now.]

About us.

[guerin]

And say what now, Alex?

[ They’ve talked hadn’t they? Michael still had the same trust issues as when Alex had first arrived. ]

[notmybattle]

[No, they hadn't really talked. Not really.]

I'm sorry.

[That's the first thing that needed to be said, before anything else.]

[guerin]

You're sorry? For what?

[ Michael is caught just a bit off guard by it and he follows the questions quickly by taking another long swig of whiskey. ]

[notmybattle]

I'm sorry.

[He moves and leans up against a wall, watching the other for a moment.]

For leaving. I don't know if you would've wanted it, but I should've never left you behind, Michael. I let everything my dad tell me get to me. I should've never left.

[He should've faced his fears, his old man.]

[guerin]

[ Michael looks down at the amber liquid of the whiskey and tries not to think too react to quickly. Not that he really knows what to do, what to believe. ]

Was that all it was? You didn't like the choices I was making either did you? I was wasting my life and just that wasn't good enough for you. So you left. I haven't changed, Alex.

[notmybattle]

[He should've expected that. Should've, but didn't. The soldier runs his fingers through his hair.]

It had nothing to do with the choices you were making, Michael. I let my old man get to me and that was the stupidest thing I could've ever done. I had a bad habit of always letting him get to me.

[There were choices that Michael had made that he wasn't fond of, but that wasn't it.]

I should've found you. I should've taken you with me when I left. Said fuck going into the military and taken up music. Anything to stay with the one person I've always loved. The only person I ever will love.

[guerin]

[ Michael’s has tended and he took another long drink of the whisky before setting it aside. Fuck he just didn’t know how to trust in Alex again. He loves him and he wants him. He always does but he also isn’t good at letting people stay close. He pushes people away before they can leave. ]

You didn’t Alex. Just... what are you wanting from me here?

[notmybattle]

I know I didn't, Michael. That's something I will regret and have to live with every single day of my life.

[Something that he will always hate himself for. Probably even as much as he hates himself for other things, but he doesn't want to think about it. What happened on his tours of duty. What other soldiers, as well as himself, had done.

What the hell did he want? That was a loaded question.]

I want us to have what we couldn't, Michael. If that takes forever, then so be it.

[He wasn't walking away, not this time. Couldn't walk away.]

[guerin]

[ God, Michael just didn’t know how to really say no to Alex. It’s a problem it’s always been a problem. He clenches his fist for a moment, until he feels a spasm of pain forcing him to relax it once more.

He doesn’t say anything more. He doesn’t believe Alex but he wants to. And it’d be easier if they just didn’t talk anymore so he gets up to go to the other, his hand brushing over the others neck as he presses his lips to Alex’s.]

[notmybattle]

[For a moment, Alex wasn't entirely sure what Michael was going to do. He wanted this with the other. Wanted them to be able to work this out. They had a second chance here. No one to tell them what they could or couldn't do, but themselves.

If Michael walked away, it would hurt and he'd get it. He'd meant what he'd said though. He wasn't walking away anymore. Couldn't walk away. His thoughts are disrupted with that hand along his neck and for a moment he stills, but only for a moment.

Then he's kissing him back, arm wrapping around Michael.]

[guerin]

[ Michael let the kiss linger for a while before breaking it, pressing his forehead to the other's. ]

I don't believe you but I can't say no to you.

[ Michael's never been good at walking away. ]

[notmybattle]

[Despite the pain that those words caused, Alex got it. He'd walked away too many times. Let everything else get in the way.]

That's why I'm going to prove it to you, Michael.

[He wants to tell him that he promises that he won't walk away, but he doesn't want there to be any broken promises. Though, if that's what Michael needed, then he'd give it to him.]

[guerin]

[ Michael didn't know if there was anything that Alex could do that would make him trust it. It's just as much on Michael, though, as it is Alex. Michael doesn't believe anyone will stay with him, everyone always leaves and yeah maybe he's too blame for some of that too.

He kisses Alex again instead of saying anything, his hand sliding over his jawline and he pulls him further into the dome and toward his bed.

Because that's an easier way to communicate for Michael. ]

[notmybattle]

[The silence was deafening and Alex, honestly, didn't like it. He returns the kiss, letting Michael lead them inside. He could lose himself in Michael. However, Tommy's words still kind of stuck to the back of his mind and he stops the kiss long enough to lean his forehead against Michael's.]

I want us to take this slow.

[He didn't want them jumping into things. Didn't want to rush it.]

I'm not going anywhere, Michael.

[guerin]

[ Michael frowns as pulls back to look at Alex. ]

You saying we're supposed to start from 0 or something, not have the amazing sex we always have?

[notmybattle]

[He wanted to wipe that frown off of Michael's face, but he couldn't stop thinking about what Tommy had told him. How easy it would be just to fall into sex instead of talking. That's not what he wanted.]

I'm not saying start from 0, Michael. Not saying we can't have amazing sex, but I want to take this slow. I don't want to just jump right into something.

[He wasn't walking away, he was walking towards this, without jumping into everything headfirst.]

[guerin]

What the hell does that even mean, Alex?

[ Because yeah that didn't make any sense to Michael. He didn't take things slow. Didn't know how and never much wanted to. ]

[notmybattle]

It means I want us to try for something more than just sex, Michael.

[They'd been good together once. It hadn't been about the sex. That was so damn long ago. When he'd gone through this damn goth phase.]

[guerin]

So are you saying what we have had is just sex, Alex? Were you even paying attention?

[ Michael isn't the one that panicked when Isobel almost caught them together. He'd never tried to make it all about sex but sex had always been the easiest way to communicate, the easiest way for Michael to express himself. ]

[notmybattle]

No, that's not what I'm saying, Michael.

[A lot had spooked him back home. All of it had to do with his old man and what he'd do. He wasn't going to let Jesse Manes hold anything over his head this time. Or get in the way of things.]

I'm just saying that I want us to actually take this slow. Talk. Sit down and watch shitty movies. I'm not saying we can't have sex, but I want us to actually be able to sit down and talk too. Or just lay beside one another and talk.

[guerin]

Alex, think you and I have different understanding of how people use that phrase.

[ Michael rolls his eyes a bit and he pulls Alex into another kiss. ]

Just... can we not talk right this minute? Don't need to talk all the damned time.

[notmybattle]

[All that the military vet knew, was that he wanted to take things slow with Michael. Re-get to know him, that kind of thing.

He doesn't say that though, just kisses him back.]

We don't have to talk right this minute.

[He could go with that.]

[guerin]

[ Michael doesn't talk then, he kisses Alex again, his hands dragging the other's shirt up as he walks them back to the edge of his bed, dropping down onto and pulling Alex with him. ]

[notmybattle]

[This was something that Alex could handle, at least that's what he tells himself. Could handle the kissing and making out with the alien cowboy.

He kisses him back only pulling away when Michael drags his shirt up, the garment hitting the floor even as he straddles the other's lap once they're close enough to the edge of the bed.]

[guerin]

Michael's hands grip the other by the hips for a moment as they situate on the bed. Alex straddling his lap and fuck he'd missed this. No one was really like Alex, no one compared to how Michael felt when they were together. His hands caress upward from the other's hips over his sides at first and then one to his back and the other to Alex's thigh.

He seeks to deepen the kiss, lips parting and tongue brushing against Alex's.

[notmybattle]

Everything was so familiar to how they used to be. The way that it felt being with Michael Guerin. The only one who had ever had his heart. Only one he'd ever loved and would ever love. He's not even sure that anyone else could ever compare to the alien that he was straddling. If anything, Michael had ruined him for anyone else.

One hand reaches up to wrap around Michael while the fingers of his other hand card through his hair. It felt like he could breathe better when he was with the other. Things were simpler. Nothing to hold them back. He gives a soft sound into the kiss and tangles his tongue with Michael's, closing his eyes and taking in the feel of the other.

[guerin]

Michael groans low into the kiss, his hands going to the other's hips once more and he shifts to put Alex onto his back, pressing over him and settling between his legs as his hand slid over the other's chest, thumb brushing over one of his nipples as his other hand cups Alex's face.

His kiss his hungry, touch a little desperate.

[notmybattle]

He lets his fingers card through Michael's hair, hand sliding up along his side even when they're suddenly in a reverse position. He gives a groan at the feel of the thumb brushing over his nipple, his body pressing up against Michael's.

He deepens the kiss even more and closes his eyes to take in the feel of the other.

[guerin]

"Please tell me you're not going to tell me to stop and slow down," Michael murmurs, breaking the kiss and pressing his lips to the side of the other's neck, dragging some skin between his teeth and leaving a little mark, he couldn't help himself.

His hips pressed forward into Alex's as if urging him to give him the answer Michael is clearly wanting.

[notmybattle]

A part of Alex wanted to tell Michael that they needed to slow down or stop, something. However, he didn't actually want any of this to stop. The other was a part of his life that he just couldn't get enough of. So, he does what he can to ignore anything he'd been thinking of before. Not easy, but doable.

He tilts his head back and presses up against Michael, eyes closing at the sensation running through him," I don't want you to stop, Michael."

[guerin]

Michael is relieved to hear those words, that they can do this, that he can touch and feel Alex the way he needs to feel. Words had never been the way Michael communicated, which might always have been part of the problem, that he couldn't rely on words. That his language was physical or music and music had been taken away from him.

Michael continued kissing the other's neck as his hips rutted against Alex's slowly. His fingers pulling at the other's shirt to tug it up so he can touch his stomach, his chest.